A Song of Winter
by Aurorazilla
Summary: Elsa moves to Weselton with a troubled past. Selectively mute, she tries to get by without her mother. But, when a certain redhead barges into her life, will Elsa finally open up? -Bad summary, sorry.- (TRIGGER WARNING: SELFHARM, RAPE, ETC) Rated M for future 'adult' scenes.
1. Chapter 1

**Trigger warnings: selfharm, mentions of rape, and, eventually, really vivid memories of rape. Read at your own risk.**

* * *

The door slams shut somewhere downstairs, and you feel fear course through you. You know you shouldn't be so afraid, and that you should remember he's in jail, but some part of you – some broken, terrified part – is so damned afraid he's going to walk in your room at any moment.

"Mom?" You call out into the empty house. No answer. "Mom?" You call again, your voice echoing through the walls of your room.

Footsteps coming up the stairs. You peep out of your slightly opened bedroom door.

You see two shadows, both stumbling clumsily into your mother's room.

Typical.

If you had a dime for every man she brought home...

You sigh and shut your door quietly. You hate hearing how loud she is.

Your kitten, Olaf, rubs against your leg with a mew. You run your fingers through his soft, white fur.

It wasn't always like this. Hours of the day without your mother, without anybody except your thoughts. She used to be home a lot, and she used to laugh and sing with you. But when _he_ came along, and after what he did to you, things became grim in the house.

Your mother blamed you. She didn't tell you that to your face, of course, but you knew. You always knew.

It had been a few months since then, and your mother wanted to move to a new town – Weselton – and make a new start.

Of course, as a socially awkward 16 year old, you weren't thrilled with the idea. It took you years to acquire the three friends you currently have, and you've been in West Chester since you were six!

You pick Olaf up and give him a hug. For a cat, he sure does like warm hugs. You kiss his forehead affectionately and he purrs.

You look into the mirror. The blonde who stares back at you is much more different than the girl she used to be.

Once bright, happy blue eyes have turned to a dull, sad shade. Pale skin has become a ghostly white, comparable to freshly fallen snow. Platinum blonde hair has become nearly white, as well. Your once curvy figure is now deathly thin, as if you haven't eaten in days – which you haven't.

You sigh and turn away. You don't like to look at the bags under your eyes or the scars on your wrists.

You set Olaf down on your blue comforter with a sad groan. He rubs against you again, but you ignore him.

Tomorrow you start school again. It's early in the year, so it's not like you missed anything big. Besides, you're smart, so you'll be okay.

You hear a squeak next door and feel like vomiting.

"Oh, Olaf," you whisper into the dark room. "I wish you could talk. Then I'd have a real friend."

* * *

You wrinkle your nose as you look up from your breakfast – strawberry Pop Tarts – to see some random man with a towel around his waist.

"Hey, babe," he calls. "Someone's in your kitchen."

You flinch internally. She didn't even tell him she had a daughter?

Your mom appears from around the corner. "Wh- _oh_! That's just Elsa."

_**Just**__ Elsa? Thanks mom._ You think bitterly.

"She your daughter or something?" He asks, opening the fridge.

"Does it matter?" Your mom replies.

_Ouch._

"Not really," he shrugs, shutting the fridge door with a can of soda in his hand.

He looks you up and down and you avert your gaze to the table.

"Well, you're pretty cute, huh?" His voice fills the awkward silence. "You look pretty smart. You don't give your mom trouble, do you?"

You shake your head politely.

"Good. I'm a cop, y'know, so if you ever need anything," he knocks on the table twice, "gimme a call, alright?"

You nod and he walks away, apparently satisfied with your answers.

You spend the rest of the morning cuddling into Olaf's soft fur.

* * *

You nervously wait at the bus stop. You're the first one here, obviously, and you're absolutely terrified.

Footsteps approach and you mentally prepare yourself.

"Hi!" Comes a warm, feminine voice. "I've never seen you around before! Are you new?"

You turn and internally gasp. This girl is gorgeous!

Copper locks are pulled into smooth braids resting on her dainty shoulders. Her rosy cheeks and cute nose are littered with freckles. Bright, icy blue eyes are filled with a childlike sense of wonder and joy. She's petite in size, long, thin arms and endless legs beneath shorts.

You find yourself staring at this beauty as if you'd never seen something so beautiful – which, honestly, you haven't.

She giggles and the sound is like angels singing in your ears.

"You don't talk much, do you?" She asks softly.

No, you can speak. _I can speak!_ You want to say. Because you can.

You try to force something –_ anything_ – from your mouth, but, then you remember: talking to new people is not something you can do.

Your brain screams at you to run from this stranger, but your heart says to try harder.

Everything inside of you is screaming and fighting so all you can do is smile sadly at the poor girl who probably thinks you're insane by now.

"I'm Anna," she says.

Anna.

Anna.

_Anna_.

Her name is _Anna_.

_Such a beautiful name,_ you think dreamily.

She pulls a notebook and a pen from her purse – which is pink with a cute dog on it – and hands them to you.

You get what she wants and flip to a new page, writing _'I'm Elsa'_ in the neatest handwriting you can muster.

Anna grins as if she'd just won the lottery.

"That's such a pretty name!" She gushes and you feel a blush creep up your cheeks.

The bus arrives just as another person – a tall, clumsy, awkward blond boy – runs over to the stop.

"Kristoff, this is Elsa. Elsa, this is Kristoff." Anna introduces.

You look the boy up and down. You know he isn't threatening, but there's still that part of you – that scared, broken, nagging part – that doesn't want to trust him.

He's tall – very tall. His nose is sort of wide, but it suits his manly face. He looks like sort of a mountain man, with his broad shoulders and big muscles.

You hurry onto the bus behind Anna and let her lead you to a three-seater. Kristoff sits in the two seater next to your seat. Anna lets you sit at the window.

"So, why don't you talk, if you don't mind my asking?" Anna asks innocently.

You blush as you rapidly write, _'anxiety'_ and she nods in understanding.

"My cousin was like that before she met Eugene – her boyfriend. You can call him Flynn though. She used to be so quiet. She was so afraid of people, you'd think she'd never been around them her whole life!" Anna chuckles, then blushes. "Sorry, I talk a lot. You probably think I'm insane, huh?"

Before you can stop it, your hand scribbles down _'no, you're adorable'_. You gasp and clench your eyes shut.

_Way to go, Elsa,_ you internally scold. _Now she thinks you're a total dyke._

Not that you are. You're not. You just think girls are nicer to look at than guys, that's all.

"Well, if you need help with anything, just ask me or Kristoff. Don't worry," she leans in so close you swear you can feel her lips touch your ear, "we don't bite."

When she pulls away you can hear your heartbeat in your ears and you swear it just got so much warmer in here. Biting? Did she say biting? Who was she biting?

You gulp nervously and look out the window, trying hard to focus on _'conceal don't feel'_, a mantra you'd come to live by these past few months.

You hear a light laughter behind you and look up to see a brunette with short-cropped hair and a petite frame eerily similar to Anna's. Her bright green eyes are shining with amusement.

"Geez, cuz, can you at least give the new girl a break? Poor thing looks like you just said you wanted to fuck her senseless." The girl jokes.

You freeze up slightly and Anna seems to notice.

She hits the girl on the arm lightly. "Watch what you say, Rapunzel!" She snaps. "This is Elsa. Elsa, this is my _rude_ cousin, Rapunzel."

You wave shyly and Rapunzel smiles.

Anna returns to gazing at you as you look out the window. Your eyes always seem to end up looking at her reflection, though.

She's so beautiful.

* * *

When you arrive at school, Anna leads you to the office and gives you a tight hug. She forgets her notebook, but you make a mental note to give it to her later.

Your principle is very nice. His name is Mr Oaken. He's very tall and burly and sort of reminds you of a big fluffy bear.

He has a really strong accent, so he's difficult to understand, but you get the gist of what he's saying.

"Now, we'll have your guide here immediately to take you to your class." He says when he's done explaining the rules, dress code, your schedule, etc.

He stands up and leads you back out to the front office and gives you a reassuring pat on the shoulder. You flinch from the contact, but you don't feel as threatened by him as you do with other men. Mostly because you know he's flaming gay and probably wouldn't do that to you anyway.

You spend an agonizingly silent few moments with the receptionists, which are both old women who are talking animatedly about their cats. You almost want to say you have a cat, too. Almost.

"Oh my god!" You hear a familiar voice gasp. "It's you!"

You turn to see Anna grinning excitedly by the entrance. You smile at her, relieved you don't have to be awkwardly quiet around some random stranger.

"Can I see your schedule?" She asks. You nod and give it to her. She examines it as you walk down the hallways. "We have pretty much the same classes! Just stick with me, okay?"

_It's not like anyone else wants to be my friend._ You think sarcastically.

"Just tell me if I'm too touchy-feely. I'm a hugger. Sorry. So, what house did you move into?"

You use the notebook again and write down your address and a wide smile spreads across her cheeks.

"Wow! I live across from you!" She exclaims. "Now we can hangout!" You watch her cute cheeks turn bright red with a creeping blush. "I-I mean if you want to. I was just wondering if you did because I mean that's cool if you do because you're really cool and I want to get to know you because I'm sure you're not just a pretty face with a bitchy attitude not that I'd think that I mean it's just a stereotype for girls like you I mean like gorgeous girls and-"

You put a finger on her lips without thinking and smile softly.

You put your hand back down and she's still blushing.

"Sorry. I'm a nervous rambler."

You quirk an eyebrow up at her. _Do I really make you nervous?_ You want to ask, but you still can't talk to her.

"Oh, geez, um, not that you make me nervous, I mean, you do, but not in a bad way." She rambles. "It's just 'cause you're so gorgeous – wait what?"

You chuckle and it sounds strange. You never laugh. And she seems alarmed, too, considering she's never heard you speak, let alone laugh. She joins in, though, and your musical laughter echoes through the halls.

You decide you like Anna. Maybe she'll be the first person you can talk to without breaking down in an emotional fit.

You also decide, as the beautiful redhead smiles affectionately at you, that she likes you, as well.

* * *

You stuck with Anna pretty much the entire day. When you didn't have classes with her, you had them with her cousin, so it wasn't so bad. Her cousin treated you as though you were a fragile glass object that could shatter with the slightest effort. You assume it's because Anna told her to do so.

When you get home, you shuffle inside.

A note sticks out on the fridge.

**_Elsa,_**

**_ Staying late for work. Food is in the fridge. _**

**_ -Mom_**

You sigh sadly and look in the fridge. You're honestly not hungry, so you go upstairs instead.

You do your usual routine and take your medication. Soon, though, you start remembering.

His hands being all over you. His rough mouth. His painful thrusting.

You flinch and take the blade out of your special drawer. You numbly slide it along your wrist, barely even wincing as you remember.

Blood beads up and drips onto your arm.

You don't care.

You don't even notice.

_Slut. Freak. Nobody. Worthless._

Slice, cut, drip.

_Dyke. Ugly. Disgusting._

Slice, cut, drip.

_Ding dong_.

You gasp and hurry to wrap your wrist.

You run to the door and swing it open. It's Anna.

"Hey, I just remembered. Can I have my notebook back?" She asks innocently.

You nod and wave for her to come in. You don't want Olaf getting out.

As you hurry to find the missing item, Anna examines everything she can see.

"Oh my _god_!" You hear her squeal. You look up, alarmed, only to find her snuggling with Olaf. "He is _so_ cute! What's his name?"

You take her palm and spell out _'Olaf' _with your finger and she coos his name multiple times. When you find the notebook, she smiles gratefully.

"Thanks! Sorry, I need it for chemistry notes." She explains.

_It's fine,_ you want to say. But you can't.

You just smile and she pulls you into a hug. She smells like summer and berries.

"I'll see you around, okay?" She says as you walk her to the door.

You nod enthusiastically and she walks out.

After she leaves, you slide against the door and land on the floor.

"Anna," you say after a while. Your voice is crackly from not speaking, but her name feels good on your tongue, so you say it again. "Anna."

You close your eyes slowly. Perfect girl, perfect name.

Maybe moving wasn't so bad, after all.

* * *

**whynotelsanna . tumblr . com**


	2. Chapter 2

**Still lots of triggers!**

* * *

You and Anna develop a simple routine: she comes over before school and walks with you to the bus stop; you sit together on the bus; you have first, second, third, lunch, and fourth periods with her; she meets you after seventh and you spend the rest of the day together; she goes to your house for about twenty minutes until her little brother, Marshall (she calls him Marshmallow), comes home from school.

It was a wordless routine that simply naturally began as you got used to each other.

Each day when she leaves, you practice trying to talk to her, and you try harder and harder to at least say "hey", but all that practice is useless.

When you see her, you freeze up. You're not sure why. Maybe it's the butterflies in your tummy or maybe it's the way she smiles at you like you're some sort of treasure. Either way, it's very frightening and confusing.

Today, however, your routine falters.

Your mother is home.

"Who's that girl who comes by everyday?" She asks when you walk into the kitchen.

"A-Anna," you stammer, your voice quiet. "W-Why?"

Your mother looks like you, but older and with dark brunette hair.

"I hear she tries to get with other girls. Be careful around her," she closes the cupboard.

You narrow your eyes. Be careful around her? Why?

Something inside of you is really happy she goes for girls, and you're not sure why.

"It's people like her that are ruining this world, you know." Your mother continues. "The _dykes_ and the _fags_."

You flinch, though you're not sure why. Probably because you think it's what's on the inside that counts, not what a person prefers in the bedroom.

"Anyways, stay away from her. I won't be back until tomorrow evening." _With some guy attached to your lips,_ you think bitterly. "Bye."

She leaves without another word.

You start to sob rather noisily, but you don't know why. No, you know. You just don't want to admit it.

_She hates me. She hates me for stealing him and she hates me for... for..._ You can't even think the words. Because they're not true. They can't be.

You hurry upstairs and take out your blade.

You viciously carve words into your thigh. Words you don't even know you're carving. Words your heart knows but your mind won't admit.

When you're done, you hear a knock downstairs. The door opens and shuts.

Your eyes widen and you bandage your thighs and pull up your jeans.

"Elsa?" Anna calls. "Elsaaaa!"

You hurry out of your room, wincing as your jeans rub against the bandages, and appear at the top of the stairs.

"Oh! There you are! C'mon, silly, we're gonna be late," Anna grins. She looks you up and down as you walk down the stairs. Her expression falls. "Elsa, are you alright?"

You feel your cheeks blush and pale all at once – which you didn't know was possible – and you nod your head.

She watches you closely as you walk down the hall to the living room. You know because you can feel her gaze on you. You're so damned aware of her it's almost painful.

"You're limping," she murmurs.

You pick up your bag and notebook.

"Elsa, stop," she grabs your wrist and you wince.

She turns you around.

Her blue eyes are worried, calming, and alarming all at once.

"What happened?" Anna asks softly.

You shake your head. _Please, I'm okay. I'm okay._ You want to say, but you can't.

You take a deep breath and when you exhale, you feel relaxed.

You muster up a reassuring smile and take her hand in yours. Electricity zaps between you two and you blush lightly.

She still seems on edge, but she lets you go and you both are heading to the bus stop in no time.

* * *

The dull murmur of the cafeteria fills your ears. You stand awkwardly in line with Anna, not wanting to eat and not wanting to be alone.

"Elsa, how come you never get anything here?" Anna asks as she puts an apple on her tray.

You make gagging sounds and you both giggle.

"Yeah, the food here's probably inedible." She whispers.

You chuckle and follow her through the rest of the lines. Finally, you're at your table with Rapunzel, Eugene (Rapunzel's boyfriend), and Kristoff.

The four of them talk animatedly amongst themselves and occasionally turn to you for answers to questions or opinions to settle an argument. You find them awfully funny and find yourself laughing pretty hard.

Anna always says she loves your laugh. It's the closest thing to your voice she's heard.

You hope you can talk to her soon. But, honestly, you don't even know what you'd say.

_You're beautiful. You make my tummy do strange flips. You're so perfect to me._

No, all those things would probably freak her out.

When you go up with Anna to put her tray away, a tall man with auburn hair walks up to you. He wears a football jersey and he seems overly confident by the way he walks; shoulders squared, back straight, head forward.

"Hey, Anna," he says as his eyes hungrily graze over your body. "Who's your friend?"

"Hans," Anna almost spits the name out as if it's acid. "This is Elsa. Elsa, this is my ex, Hans."

Hans holds out his hand and you flinch away from it, recoiling against the wall behind Anna. You can feel your heart rate picking up.

It's too loud in this room. It's so loud, you swear you're going to go deaf from all the noise. You're breathing as if you've run a marathon and your head is beginning to feel funny.

You know something is going to happen. He's going to hurt you. You just know it. He's going to hurt you and you have to _run_.

But you can't. You're rooted to the spot, your blue eyes wide with fear.

Your vision is taken over with images of _him_. His voice, once seen as soothing and welcoming, hissing sweet nothings into your ear. His embrace, once warm and calming, is cold and dreadful.

You swear you hear someone calling your name. But you know there's nobody. You are alone, and you are going to die. You are drowning. Drowning, drowning, drowning in his words.

Suddenly your feet are moving, quickly, through the cafeteria. You keep running as your vision switches from _him_ to _now_.

Drowning. You're suffocating. You are going to die.

You don't get too far, and end up in fetal position on the floor of the girls' bathroom.

The drip of the faucet is loud in your ears.

_Drip._

_'So beautiful'_ he groans in your ear.

_Drop._

_'So tight'_ he pants.

You know that boy is bad. You know by the way his eyes looked you up and down as if you were a piece of meat.

You're shaking, hard, and you're fighting tears.

Before you know it, someone barges into the bathroom and you're cowering in the corner. It's him. He's back. He's going to kill you, now.

You clench your tearful eyes shut and sob pathetically into your hands.

"Elsa," the voice isn't his. It's soft. Familiar.

You open a cautious eye to see turquoise eyes looking at you with so much worry it hurts.

_Anna,_ your mind almost yells with glee.

You fall into her arms, allowing your walls to break for a moment. She holds you tight and rocks you back and forth as you sob into her shoulder.

"It's okay, shhh, it's okay," she murmurs softly. "I won't let anyone hurt you. It's okay."

Your heart rate slows down and your breathing does, too. Soon, you're all out of tears and you pull back.

You want to say you're sorry, but you don't want that to be the first word she ever hears from you. So, you just look into her eyes and hope she gets the message.

"You don't have to tell me what it was about," she says after a moment of silence. "Rapunzel used to have anxiety attacks, too. I know you don't know me very well, yet, but I'm here for you, okay?"

You almost tear up again. You nod and embrace her tightly. She kisses your cheek and you blush.

"Come on, let's go somewhere fun." Anna grins playfully.

You quirk an eyebrow up at her.

"I promise, it's way better than this dump. Besides, we're smart, we won't miss anything we don't already know."

You nod and allow her to pull you up. You wait for her outside the cafeteria as she gets your things.

She leads you outside of the school and across the soccer fields.

_What is she getting me into?_ You wonder.

* * *

"Okay, keep 'em closed," Anna's voice is a silent hush in your ear.

It's soft like a gentle breeze dancing over the leaves in spring.

Her hands are covering your eyes and her hips are guiding yours along the rough terrain, which is somewhere through the woods.

"Just a few more seconds... okay... and..." The dark warmth of her hands disappears and you're looking into a bright clearing.

You gasp and your eyes widen at the sight. Pine trees and willows border the clearing. At the end sit three waterfalls leading into a small lake. The water sparkles in the sun and the grass dances in the wind.

"Beautiful, huh?" Anna's voice is quiet, gentle, as if she was afraid to break the peace of the place.

You nod in awe.

She smirks at you. "It's my secret haven. I've never showed anybody before."

Your eyes widen and you look at her with shock. Why would she share it with_ you_ and not someone she _knew_ and _trusted_, like Kristoff?

She smiles softly. "I brought you here because it used to be the most beautiful thing in my life."

You tilt your head, confused, as she leads you to the lake and sits down on a log at the edge.

She watches the ripples in the water break your faces into choppy waves.

"I guess, what I'm saying, is..." She turns to look at you with a genuine smile. "The new most beautiful thing in my life... is you."

You blink slowly, a blush beginning to creep along your cheeks.

_What is this feeling?_ You wonder. It feels as though you are falling. It's both frightening and exciting, and you're so terrified and confused by what awaits you.

But the rest of the time, neither of you say anything. You just enjoy each others company.

There's just something about Anna that you can't put your finger on. She makes you feel so scared and so brave all at once. You're not sure why, but you don't think you could have made it through the attack today without her.

You suppose you shouldn't get so close to someone, but you can't help it. You know you belong to Anna, and you can't do anything about it.

* * *

**Review please!  
**

**whynotelsanna . tumblr . com**


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